So as I write this post I sit with my laptop sans internet access because I am up in the air on my way to Puerto Rico.  I have a irritatingly uncomfortable feeling of being in the sky that began less than ten years ago. Strange how that happens. I used to love to fly. Or maybe that wasn’t it. But I never thought about it at all. It was always a means of transportation for me. It still is but not without bouts of anxiety to go along with it.  Some flight experiences are better than others. Such as when I fly first class. I had my first taste of this last Fall on the way to Spain. My parents fly frequently and have millions of miles with the luxury to upgrade, sometimes with or without a cost. They are so wonderful and thought this upgrade to Spain would be a treat for me. Boy was it ever. Sleeper seats. Full course meals. Drinks. Spacious atmosphere.

Today here I sit again in first class. Compartmental seating area. Gourmet brunch. Unlimited wine. A little turbulence but I am keeping my thoughts in check. There is an adorable little baby seated behind me. That has to be a sign that nothing will go wrong. My Mom and I always have fun conversations throughout the flight which keeps me sane.

I am facing my fear as I always do so I am proud of myself today. In the midst of our flight the flight attendant announced that there was a medical emergency. A man was having a heart attack or so they thought. Luckily there was a physician on board. The physician, physicians’ wife and the man in trouble were quickly moved up to first class since there were vacant seats. The man seems to be in stable condition now that he was tended to with proper meds, orange juice and oxygen. Crisis adverted. Thank goodness. The physician is a very nice man. He is sitting up here across from me. He told me to put my computer and phone away and relax for the next few days. I may actually take him up on this offer. Here’s to hoping and here’s to the beach.

I’ve been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin as mentioned in a previous post. She states at one point how it’s hard to just “Be Gretchen” meaning she sometimes falls into the trap of doing things she should enjoy doing rather than the things she truly adores. I can admit I used to fall into that trap at times and possibly still do to some extent. In my previous life I had such a hard time saying no and instead always felt guilty for everything. I have taken hold of this feeling and now do things I want to do and live my life for me. But there is the occasional invite or event I will get roped into because I know it’s important to someone else close to me. Life is about compromise and sharing with the ones you love – family, friends, and partners. So I suppose there is a fine line. I do what feels right in my heart.

I have been thinking about things that I do fancy under the radar and should unabashedly own up to with confidence; lots of coffee, animal print, fascination with high profile crime/murder cases, case in point: I went to a reading at The Chelsea Hotel only because it was taking place in the suite where Sid Vicious murdered his girlfriend Nancy and after the show I asked to see the bathroom where the crime scene took place, wanting to cage dive with great white sharks, fascination with Motley Crue, octopus balls from the Japanese restaurant Go in the East Village, the last five minutes of the season four finale of Dexter – which I have watched (more than once) on YouTube, the fact that I do not know the designer/make of all of my clothes while wearing them and don’t quite care as long as they look great, I would like to run the New York City Marathon and Philadelphia Marathon in the same year even though they are only a few weeks apart, and last but not least chick flicks (especially those starring Jennifer Aniston.)

A friend once told me that he could not help but smile because he realized I was Ingrid Bergman at heart, a hopeless romantic and full of love. I do have a tendency to always think first with my heart. I wear it on my sleeve. Since I can remember, I fantasize about the most fascinating, heartbreaking love stories.

Casablanca is one of my all-time favorite classics. The most poignant part of the story is that it doesn’t end “happily ever-after” for the two lovers. In reality, they had to go their separate ways. He would never love anyone more, but had to let her go. He knew it was in her best interest. They walked away from each other and never saw one another again. She would have stayed with him and made it work, even if she may not have been happy in the long run. She couldn’t see beyond her love for him and would have chanced it all to just be with him. He was thinking with his head, she with her heart.

I believe when one makes choices based on what the heart is telling you, be it any kind of choice, you usually end up ok. Even if the decision made turns out less than expected, you know it was made based on feelings. If you listen to yourself, you know all of the answers somewhere inside.